he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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