Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
