all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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