The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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