just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
