i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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