This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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