I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sarcasm needs its own font
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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