i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
