I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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