i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
