I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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