Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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