i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
