My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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