i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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