Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
