Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
