Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
