ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize