I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
