Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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