you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
