What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
