it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You made out with two different species that night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
