??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
