I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
