Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
