I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
