you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
