Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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