he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
