Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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