P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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