so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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