If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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