Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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