sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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