trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
