It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
