it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
