ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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