Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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