Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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