Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
