Pappa wants mamma naked
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize