yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
