We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
