I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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