he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
