listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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