if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize