then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
