your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
