your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
