Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
