someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
