you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
