i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
