Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
