I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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