I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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