im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
