Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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