do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
