I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
