Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
