Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
