listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
